When I was in the desert and I cried out to God. I called my ex-wife and through her God opened a door for me to have a place to go. Which was a miracle in itself. Then he opened the door for me to see a Christian counselor. And the counselor knew of a Spirit Filled lady who has a ministry called Resurrection Life Ministries that runs for 12 weeks at a time a few times a year ( Which just happened to be starting at that time). While I was attending her classes I discovered that she did personal ministry as well. So I spoke with her about it and made an appointment to meet with her. A few months prior to meeting with this lady the had spoken to me on a few occasions through my ex-wife. That is when He told me that He was going to pour His love on me so much that I would have to ask Him to stop. And that He was going to restore the years that were stolen from me. When I saw this lady for the first time she sat with me and we talked a little about what was going on. And then we started praying in the spirit seeking God for guidance. And as we prayed in the Spirit she said that all she could see was darkness. Then in the middle of all this darkness she began to a cauldron boiling over with black tar that looked like lava pouring out of a volcano. And the lord spoke to her and said that there were generational curses of violence passed down to me. 8 generations on my father's side, And 5 generations on my mother's side. And He began to lead us in prayer going through every generation breaking these curses. And as we did this she could see that the cauldron was calming down. I saw again a second time a week later at her request and we talked some about the things that had happened to me in my childhood. And we went into a place of prayer in the Spirit and this time the Lord said that it was time for me to grieve over the losses I had experienced through out my life. And that He was going to meet me and even lead me in the grieving process. Then within days of seeing her the Lord spoke to me again through my ex-wife and said that He was chipping away at the walls and barriers that I had built around myself.

Then shortly after that is when He led me to my church where I met my Pastor's. I had been there just under two months when my Pastor's wife gave a message on healing the brokenhearted. And at the end of the message she challenged any of us who were dealing emotional issues to talk with someone we knew in the body of Christ about it that week. Which was something that I was really wrestling with. Because it was not easy for me to talk with people about all this stuff about me and my past. Plus I really didn't have anyone in my life that I trusted to talk to about these things with the exception of my ex-wife. But I knew in my heart that I needed to talk with someone in my church. I didn't really know anyone there well enough to talk to. And I really wanted to talk to my Pastor's about it. But I just kept thinking I can't talk to them about this stuff. They barely even know me and what am I going to do just go to them and lay all this garbage on them. But I just knew in my heart that it was something that I needed to do for myself if I wanted to be free. So I took a risk and wrote my Pastor's a letter explaining the things that were going on in my life, And they called me and set up an appointment to meet with me. And the Lord met me in an awesome way when I met with them.

We sat down and were talking a little bit about everything that was going on. And then the three of us started praying in the Spirit seeking insight. And as we prayed Jesus gave my Pastor's wife a picture of a little boy tied to a chair with really thick rope being force fed a doctrine of violence and self punishment. And He said that He was going to destroy this doctrine of violence and self punishment and change the way I see things. Because I had personalized the violence that was done against me, I identified with the acts of violence committed against me ( It's my fault. I'm bad, I'm guilty, I must be wrong) and I grew up believing that something was wrong with me. He also said that I was going to step into a new realm of reality. Feeling happy, free, joy, and lightness. He said that He was going to bring me justice. And His justice was to bring me freedom, And that through me freedom would come to others. And that I was going to experience His value for me. He also said that He wanted to deliver me that day from the nightmares. And He revealed to us that I was having these nightmares because I didn't like getting angry and in my dreams it was safe for me to express my anger. But that now I could look at my anger with Jesus and allow Him to speak truth into the pain I feel. Then my Pastor shared some scriptures with me and prayed over me. And things have been changing in the way I see myself and the way I think. And ever since that day 11/21/2007 I have not had ONE nightmare. I am SO glad that I did not allow my FEAR of REJECTION or what they would think keep me from talking to my Pastor's. Because I now know that it was Jesus leading me to do that and like I said earlier He met in a mighty way when I made that choice.

Since then I have met with my Pastor's a few times and the Lord has continued to reveal more things to me in different areas of my life. And my journey to Spiritual, Emotional, and Physical freedom and wholeness has become a joyful journey. Because I know that God is with me and helping me on this journey leading me into a place of relationship with Him like I have never known before. And helping me understand and see on a deeper level the richness and depth of His Love and Goodness, exposing all the lies that I had been believing all of my life about Him, Myself, and others.

In LUKE 4:18 Jesus says,
The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, Because He has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind. to set at liberty those who are oppressed; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.

These words are still true to this day. God is still a God of miracles, healing, deliverence, and restoration. Jesus is still anointed to heal the brokenhearted and set the captives free. And there is nothing that brings Him more pleasure than when we go to Him and welcome Him into our lives, situations, and circumstances. Healing the brokenhearted ( Inner Healing), and spiritual and emotional freedom from ( Oppression) is a process. And God is in this process. And it is a process because inner healing and emotional healing has a lot to do with the RE-NEWING of our minds ( Rom 12:2). The way we think, perceive, see, and understand things ( as a man thinks so is he). And this process begins as we RECIEVE and ACCEPT God's grace. As we lean on and stand in His grace, Our journey to Spiritual, Emotional, and Physical healing can then begin. Because grace accepts us before we become acceptable. And His grace also makes self-knowledge bearable. And self knowledge (our identity) is very instrumental in our process of healing and freedom. As we see ourselves the way God sees us, and discover who we really are ( the person that God created us to be), Healing and freedom comes to fruition within us, which then manifests externally ( The fruits of the Spirit).

Grace is also the beginning of our healing. Because it is by grace that we are brought back into (reconciled) a relationship with God. And it is only in and through our relationship with Him that we find our true identity ( Our lives are hid with Christ in God), healing and freedom. Which is the very essence of Christianity. Christianity is not about Religion or Doctrines. It is not about rules and regulations ( rules without relationship=rebellion). Christianity in it's truest form and meaning is about being reconciled (Brought back into RELATIONSHIP) to God in and through Jesus Christ. And it is in this relationship with Our Heavenly Father where we find everything that we need that pertains to our life's. And as we accept, lean on, and stand in His grace. His grace anchors us in our relationship with Him, and sustains us through the process (His grace is our sufficiency).

Another important aspect of inner healing is understanding our emotions. Which has been one of the greatest revelations that our Heavenly Father has given me. Because I spent the majority of my life reacting to my emotions. And making choices and decisions based on my emotions. It is an area that He is continually giving me a deeper understanding of. Because as we understand the structure and reason for our emotions spiritual growth and emotional healing comes to manifestation in our life's. All of these things that I have been talking about I will expand on further in my blogs. And I encourage everyone who is reading this who is looking for answers to read my blogs and hopefully find answers to questions you may have.